Rekindling Self-Trust: A Guide to Embracing Authenticity
Trust is the foundation of all healthy relationships — including the relationship we have with ourselves. When we struggle with self trust it can become difficult to manage decisions, rely on our natural instincts, meet our needs, and make the most of our growth opportunities. This piece is a deep dive into one of the most essential components of the self-healing journey: the rekindling of self trust as a path to emotional resilience.
The Foundations of Self-Trust
In psychology, self-trust is broadly defined as the belief and confidence in oneself, the ability to rely on our own judgments, abilities and decision making processes. There are also philosophical underpinnings to self-trust for its roots lie in the development of authenticity. Authenticity comes from knowing what's important to us and holding true to our values in the face of external pressures. It is a fundamental aspect of human growth and emotional well-being, as it allows us to navigate life's challenges and take action that’s aligned with our values.
There are myriad barriers that can prevent us from fully learning to trust and rely on our inner guidance system. These barriers can include traumatic experiences such as neglect, abuse, betrayal, abandonment, disappointment and failure. To begin to build trust within ourselves, we must first understand its evolution and the factors that contribute to its development.
Exploring the experiences and influences that have shaped our self-perception can help us gain insight into our strengths, weaknesses, and patterns of behavior. The seeds of self trust are sown in the original bonds between a child and their caregivers. Attuned, consistent care fosters a sense of security and lays the foundation for the child to trust that their needs will be met. When we have been let down by others, especially by our primary caregivers, the emotional blueprint then becomes “The world isn’t safe.” These children grow into adults who struggle with openness, boundaries and vulnerability in relationships.
We all learn by watching those around us, so trusting ourselves to make choices that are protective of our well-being can be especially challenging if these behaviors were never modeled for us by the adults in our lives. To build self trust we must first recognize our unique blueprint and actively work to explore and understand it. From here we can then begin to clear the roadblocks that prevent us from fully feeling safe to trust our own judgments.
Self Trust Shortages IRL
Self trust manifests in various ways and can have different meanings for different individuals. Here are a few of the most common ways in which I’ve seen shortages in self trust affect my clients:
LACK OF INDEPENDENCE. When we don’t trust ourselves, it might indicate a lack of independence and confidence in our abilities, decisions, or judgments as an individual which can in turn lead to overreliance on others. Frequently, we will defer entirely to authority figures or other leaders for answers, discounting our own intuition and wisdom.
FEAR OF FAILURE & PERFECTIONISM. Not trusting ourselves can be tied to a fear of failure and perfectionistic thinking. We may doubt our ability to navigate challenges or believe that our failures are a part of a never ending cycle. In serious cases, the fear may cause paralysis and prevent us from taking healthy risks or pursuing goals. Perfectionism can be a sign of overcompensation if it leads to worsening symptoms of burnout, stress and dissatisfaction.
NEED FOR EXTERNAL VALIDATION. Seeking excessive validation and approval from others, is another sign that we are lacking self trust. Over-reliance on external sources perpetuates a cycle of self denial where personal power is disregarded, leading to a lack of self determination and ownership over one's journey.
CRITICAL INNER DIALOGUE. Engaging in negative self-talk i.e. criticizing our abilities or decisions, name calling or making self-disparaging inner comments could be a sign that we don’t trust ourselves. A negative self-perception can reduce emotional resilience and diminish our overall outlook on life.
SUPPRESSING DISCOMFORT. Discomfort, like all emotions, can serve as a guide indicating areas where deeper reflection is needed. Ignoring the body’s somatic signals hinders self exploration and prevents us from developing our awareness of ideas that may be in conflict with our core values.
Vedic Wisdom and Existential Explorations for Tending to the Inner Fire
Growing self-trust begins by learning to recognize the value of our personal insights and understanding our intrinsic worth. I know; far easier said than done.
Let’s explore the word “rekindle” for a moment. To rekindle means to revive something that has been lost or nearly lost. Do you hear the air of fragility? “Rekindling” also relates to fire and connection, or the nurturing of a spark.
According to the vedic traditions, the third energy center correlates to our systems of digestion and metabolism and is linked to our sense of self. Authors of the vedic texts believed it to be the seat of personal purpose, identity and will power. Interestingly, in Sanskrit this center is called “Manipura,” or solar plexus, and is associated with the element of fire or “Agni.” In the Rig-Veda, Agni is described as “life-giving energy,” the first, pure, primordial energy of the universe with an origin story not unlike that of the Big Bang. This primal energy is said to transform into the energy of life and thought, and symbolizes the renewal of our inner nature.
In the west we have many ways of alluding to this same power such as the development of a “strong backbone.” The cultivation of central power ultimately starts with the acknowledgment of our inner transformative power and ability to let go of what once was. Similarly to the body’s digestive system, we strengthen this ability by prioritizing the balance of inward and outward flow of energy within us.
Trusting the self begins with knowing the self. Engaging in existential exploration is an essential part of the journey towards self-trust. It involves reflecting on the deeper meaning and purpose of our lives, examining our values and beliefs, and ultimately questioning societal expectations and norms. Through existential exploration, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves by connecting to what truly matters to us, rather than simply following the expectations and desires of others.
This journey of self-discovery and self-trust is a lifelong process. There will be days when we feel calm and strong, and there will be days when we don't. The key lies in the consistency of our actions. Cultivating greater self-trust requires continual practice and gentle, devoted efforts. Here are some practices that can help foster self-trust:
Practices
ALONE TIME. Make space for solitude to establish a genuine connection with the mind-body. In doing so we can gradually begin to find peace in our own company. Effective self trust hinges on internal communication; without it, building self-confidence remains elusive.
BODY WISDOM. Create processes for listening to the messages coming from the body- your symptoms, the inner voice and your automatic responses. Acknowledge the emotional cues and their corresponding body sensations. Begin to value your own personal insights and intrinsic worth.
GET TO KNOW YOURSELF & YOUR VALUES. Take time to explore and reflect on your own value systems, boundaries and needs in relationships. Consider the things that are most important to you and how they have shaped your beliefs and behaviors. Determine what needs to be prioritized or deprioritized in order to reduce inner conflict and make way for alignment. Identify your unique patterns or recurring themes in your relationships that may indicate areas for growth.
EMBRACE VULNERABILITY WITH DISCERNMENT. Understand that trust is earned over time through consistent behavior and actions. Start by building trust in small ways and gradually increase vulnerability as the relationship progresses. Share your thoughts, feelings, and fears in a safe and supportive environment.
NOTICE HOW RED FLAGS FEEL IN THE BODY. Teach yourself to be aware of the somatic warning signs that may point to potential issues. If something feels off or uncomfortable, don't disregard or rationalize the signals. Embrace moments of discomfort as opportunities for existential exploration that facilitate movement toward greater authenticity and clarity.
COMMUNICATE YOUR BOUNDARIES. There’s always room for improvement. Establishing clear boundaries is an active process of determining how best to align with your needs and values. Learn to communicate your boundaries from a place of compassionate awareness and continue to learn how to prioritize your well-being.
PRACTICE BEING TRUSTWORTHY. Practice reliability, follow through and radical transparency when you’re unable to follow through. Life gets messy and mistakes are part of the learning process. However, learning to hold ourselves and others to account for our actions is a vital step in seeing ourselves more clearly and being able to take ownership of our life choices.
CELEBRATE YOURSELF. This is important- celebrate yourself in ways that feel good to you. This is not about other people. Recognize your abilities and strengths and acknowledge your milestones, no matter how small they may seem.
SELF-COMPASSION. Learn to accept yourself in your imperfection. Start to embrace the journey of self-trust as an ongoing process rather than a destination. Treat yourself with the same love and understanding that you would offer to a close friend or loved one.
SEEK SUPPORT. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals for guidance and support on your journey and begin to challenge the notion that you have to do it alone.
Empowering Ourselves to Practice
Like so many healing journeys, self-trust is a dynamic process that evolves and changes shape throughout our lives. Rebuilding trust within ourselves requires a commitment to seeing ourselves through to the other side of failure (or perceived failure). We must allow ourselves the grace to make mistakes, learn and evolve in ways that align with our authenticity.
Every step we take, however small, contributes to our evolution. As we develop practices rooted in self-knowing and compassion, we create supportive environments that expand our abilities to meet the moment from a place of wholeness. Think of this process as a type of initiation into leadership. Authentic leaders model authenticity for others and earn the trust and loyalty of their communities. As we begin to express more of our true selves - we create deeper, stronger connections, live more fulfilling lives, and become an example for others to follow.
Wherever you are on the path of self-trust, congrats! Your journey matters.
♡
Meg
Ready to delve deeper? This blog is a treasure trove of insights awaiting your exploration. If this message resonates, please comment and share so that we might assist others in reconnecting to their inherent wisdom.
